Faft Kingdom

In conversation with the Wyzard this afternoon, it became apparent that each of us needs to obtain extraordinarily large sums of money.  Ideally, we would obtain this vast resource of readily-accessible funds very quickly.

There is really only one thing we can do, and so I went back to my lab and began composing a chemical medley which, obviously, will solve all of our problems.

We need to travel to the spirit realm, in the plane of the witch’s sabbath.  And we must be go in the countenance of animal beastlings.  The unguent which I prepared following ancient scrolls, employing Jimson Weed, Belladonna,  and Wolfsbane in a base of human fat taken from the fresh corpse of an unbaptized child – among other things – will induce our voyage by 1) transporting us through the membrane of reality 2) transforming our bodies into a leopard and a goat, respectively, & 3) granting us the power of flight.

We will fly northeasterly and upward – beyond the fields where witches dance with demons – high above the Goobley Mountains – & finally – descend into Hopgotch Bog, submerging ourselves up to our animal necks in thick goo.  With our bodies thusly immobile, we shall begin to scrye approximately 19 future Mega Millions lottery numbers resulting in single winners.

We will slowly sink below the murky slime, and lose consciousness.  When the ointment is used up, we will move backward through the membrane of reality, and must quickly rouse ourselves in order to record the winning lotto numbers before they disappear from our memories.

Then we must play all 19 lottery numbers each week until each of us, and all of our friends and family, each, in turn, wins so much money.